Nothing to fear except fear itself. Well fear and some other stuff.

So I reached the point of wanting to make changes, I made lots of positive decisions and then hid under a rock for a fortnight, paralysed with fear. For me (and I suspect many other people), fear and procrastination go merrily hand in hand. They skip around together, sticking out their tongues and blowing raspberries at me while I put things off for another day. I realised that getting back to running is terrifying me and procrastinated some more by writing a list of what’s worrying me.

1. I am scared of my pelvic floor.
Not in itself, I love my pelvic floor and can honestly say that I blindly took it for granted for 34 years. Rather, I am afraid that once I start running again all my internal organs will come crashing through my pelvic floor like the chandelier in Only Fools and Horses.

2. I am scared of not being able to run.
When I first started running, I knew that I couldn’t run and it was a ridiculous folly to even try, but what the hell. I was pleasantly surprised that I could lumber along for a reasonable distance and sometimes people would give me a medal for doing so. Now I know that I used to be able to run, I am scared that I won’t be able to do it as well as I used to.

3. I am scared of my extra weight.
Well not scared exactly, but I know what it’s like when I run with a few extra pounds and it’s not very nice. Having an extra stone to deal with means a lot of unpleasantly jiggly back fat.

4. I am scared of needing to pee
Again, not quite scared, but my bladder is less trustworthy than it was and I don’t want to add diving into bushes to the stress that I’m alreading putting myself under.

5. I am scared of running outside
I think this is a combination of 2 and 3 in that I have convinced myself that the village youths will mock the red-faced, jiggling woman as she wheezes along. Ginge cheerfully suggested that I run through the fields, but I know that this will inevitably result in me being murdered*.

So after sitting in a pile on the kitchen table for the last fortnight, my running kit finally had an outing to the gym on Wednesday (after going for an M&S bra fitting – there’s nothing like being left topless with changing room mirrors to sharpen the mind and the motivation). I did run/walk intervals on the treadmill and if you didn’t look too hard, it almost looked like I was running again. I have been back today and lived to tell the tale. I may go back again, but I really need to pluck up the courage to get outside because ultimately I do hate the treadmill.

*Googling the name of our village and ‘murder’ reveals that the last one was 20 years ago. I will concede that I might be being slightly irrational with that one

3 thoughts on “Nothing to fear except fear itself. Well fear and some other stuff.

  1. Hedwigia says:

    I stopped making excuses to myself yesterday and ran a mile – not very fast and not very far, but it felt good. Go for it – you’ll be glad you did. Anyway, so what if spotty youths laugh? It’d only be from ignorance, not from being better than you. Go and show them!

  2. knitnrun4sanity says:

    You should either read running like a girl which is a great read that will help you loose fear over what other people think or read the non runners marathon trainer. This last book has loads of useful mental tricks to help you overcome fears. The bottom line is to reset your mind and get out there. What is the worst that can happen? Running will strengthen your pelvic floor and you will soon get back into the swing of it. It is the only thing that keeps me sane and my eldest is showing a keen interest in it now….having just joined a running club so not only will you feel better about yourself you will be setting a great example to your mini me. Win win. (Ok lecture over….sorry to go on at you but it has been such a help to me I am very passionate about it.) xx

  3. fattipuff says:

    Good luck – and on mocking the red faced jiggling woman (your words, not mine!) – you are out running, the ‘youfs’ are eating chips. Who is the winner there?!

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