Things I have learned (or remembered) since returning to the gym

1. I still get very very red faced, very very sweaty and quite a lot stinky.
I look dreadful after I’ve been running, it’s as if someone swaps my head for a big, red, shiny grinning tomato. I really don’t care about this, although the other day Mini-Ginge was very reluctant to have hugs with me because I smelled so hideous. I have probably scarred him for life.

2. I’m still not down with the music videos
Yup, it’s still lots of ladies writhing around in their bra and pants. To be honest, if I wanted to have a close up view of that many gussets, I’d work for M&S quality control. Having said that, today’s telly was “Coldplay: The Collection” and seemed to involve Chris Martin learning puppetry with a spoon.

3. I’m rubbish at following plans
I’m (loosely) following the NHS Couch to 5K plan. I did week one twice, week two once and today decided to wing it with week three. I suspect that this is not the way that the creators intended it to be done.

4. I don’t get the concept of Weetabix as a drink, it does not sit comfortably with me
I wasn’t actually at the gym when this occurred to me (I was in Tesco) and found myself doing a “bleurgh” face every time they invaded my consciousness. I just needed to get this off my chest.

5. I am still rubbish at holding numbers in my head
I look at the plan, I forget what I’m supposed to run, I look at the plan again, I set off running, I look at the clock, I run, I look at the clock – it says 6 minutes 39 seconds, I try to remember whether I should be running to 8 minutes or 8 minutes 30 seconds, I tell myself that I have only been running 30 seconds, it seems longer, I forget how long I’m supposed to be running for. Repeat for twenty minutes.

6. I want to be good at this again
One of my many books about avoiding procrastination (I know, I know…) discusses goal setting and points out that it’s one thing to want to be able to do something, it’s quite another to want to go through the process to get there. The example it gives is learning Italian; the author realised that while she loves the idea of being able to speak Italian, ordering rustic pasta, flirting with waiters and zipping round on a Vespa, she is less keen on the actual sitting down and learning verbs, nouns and adjectives. Similarly, I want to be bounding effortlessly down the road, not doing the boring hard work of increasing a minute at a time.

7. I am never going to be one of those people who chat to instructors
I gibber. And then run away. I just can’t do it.

8. The lightest kettlebells are pink
Why is this? It does not affect my life as I steer well clear of them, but they are are on shelf next to me and it grates a little.

9. I could do with throwing in some abdominal work
Core stability, blah blah blah…

10. I enjoy myself when I get there
I just have to get my lazy arse out of the door.