Nerves

The one good thing about being injured is that it took the pressure off me for this weekend. That probably sounds daft (especially as the only person putting any pressure on me was, well, me) but it’s true. Even if I had remained uninjured and non-snuffly, stuck rigidly to my training plan, eaten well, done injury prevention exercises that I didn’t even know existed and conducted all the appropriate sacrifices to the running gods, I would have felt that I hadn’t trained properly. And if I haven’t trained properly, what’s the point in even entering the race?

Instead, I know I haven’t trained properly. It’s not my fault. On the day, I can only do what I can do. And, no matter what happens, as long as I finish it will be a personal best.

Well that was my attitude until Sunday. Maybe it was being 7 days off, maybe it was the fact that I had my first anxiety dream (I got distracted from the route to go and help someone with something, but when I tried to catch up with everyone I had to take short cuts and then I was going the wrong way), maybe it was the falling over followed by a really hard 11.5 miles, whatever it was it sapped my positivity.

What the hell was I thinking entering a half? What the hell was I thinking entering a half 300 miles from home? It started with self doubt. The self doubt grew into a dark cloud that hovered over me. By Wednesday evening (when twitter people may have noticed a certain degree of “meh” from me, @jogblog and @helsieboo), I went to yoga and needed a little time out to deal with some optical leakage when I went awry in a simple posture (I don’t think anyone noticed, so I can still show my face next week). Luckily, some cathartic shoulder stands did the trick and I left in a far more positive frame of mind than I arrived.

It also helped that I’ve had some lovely confidence boosting messages from my sister, tweets from @AdelePrince, @jogblog and @OnesizePlanet, and of course the ongoing support and encouragement of Ginge. You’re all ace.

On that note, I’m on with writing comprehensive To Do and Don’t Forget lists (starting with TRAINERS and RACE NUMBER) and am embracing carb loading with an unsettling zeal.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!

PS. Bollocks to meh and self-doubt – bring on The Hill!